I didn’t want to share this publicly because it was a deeply personal and intimate experience, but I have felt God pressuring me in various ways and I’m convinced I can’t postpone any longer.
I’d love to give the whole backstory of how I was drawn back to the Christian faith that I was raised in after almost a decade of trying to do my own thing, but I’ll save that for another time. So I’ll just cut to the point and say I met Jesus a day after attending church by myself, where I had a mini-breakdown because I was depressed my husband refused to go with me for the umpteenth week in a row.
So here’s the dream I had the night after my mini-breakdown in church. I had written it down immediately afterward, which is how I remember it so accurately:
I awoke to find myself in a stone cavern filled with sleeping people who were slowly waking up to a black and white world. Some of us had lost loved ones, there were children, children with mothers but no fathers, husbands with no family, etc. And we could speak with animals! I first saw it with a man who saw a rattlesnake and started “Ssss-ing” at it, to tell it not to bite him. The snake was very confused at first, then curious, then a bunch of other snakes came out from under a rock, including two big pythons. The female began wrapping itself around him, but not in a threatening way–more like hugging him.
Then I saw a girl having a conversation with a donkey as her mother stood by in amazement. There was also a rooster who began to crow, and we would tell him to shut up because he was waking everyone up–but almost immediately he would forget what we told him and start doing it again. He ended up waking everyone else up. We all figured we must have died and were either in heaven or an in-between world, on account of the lack of color.
We were hungry, and began walking toward the entrance of a tunnel where we saw an open store. I walked inside and wanted a croissant sandwich, and another man wanted an egg sandwich, but then the store keeper was trying to charge us for it. I was surprised and asked, “We still need money in heaven?!” Then the man seemed to wake up, and he said, “Oh it’s Christmas, so you can have it for free!”
So we left the store eating and happy, when a crazy-looking man with wild eyes charges past us into the store. I yell, “He’s giving food for free!” But the man doesn’t hear me and instead he tells the storekeeper, “Give me your food!” as he’s waving a crowbar around. The shopkeeper laughs and says, “Well, I can’t do that, I’m just going to–” and he was going to say “not charge you,” but the stranger swings the crowbar and kills the storekeeper.
All of us who saw this stood by in shock, and I say, “But I thought you can’t kill in heaven?” And the man with the crowbar drops down dead. So we’re all shaken and I ask everyone to pray, and I’m wondering if we’re in heaven, where is Jesus?
Then someone tells us there’s a play, and I find myself back in the color world about to perform a Shakespearean play (which in reality I had done two weeks prior for an English class). I’m with my classmates from the play, except it’s not a stage I’m familiar with. We are getting ready to perform when I see a big screen with a map of the area, and there’s a little red dot moving closer and closer to us, and I start yelling “Jesus is coming! Jesus is coming!” And everyone is so excited and I’m ecstatic that he’s coming to see my play–but there’s no one to film it for us and our equipment isn’t working. So I’m praying for a miracle, and I turn around and see Jesus walking through the double doors behind me–and he looks familiar because I realize he was the storekeeper!
He was wearing a light colored shirt and white linen pants, and he had his hair up in what looked like a man-bun. He comes through these big double doors and smiles the most gentle smile…and he knows exactly what I need, so he reaches out and takes the camera I’d been fiddling with and fixes it, then sets it up.
(HERE IS THE WEIRD PART)
We begin having a conversation about everything that’s happening, and as I’m looking into his eyes it’s like the world around us melts away–I could feel the world physically receding and time standing still.
Suddenly, Jesus is kissing me. Not like a tepid, chaste peck, but full-on passionate embrace. As soon as I feel a spark of passion arise within me, however, I freak out and run away, to a bathroom. I’m about to close the door when Jesus is right behind me, holding the door open so I can’t shut it.
He’s kind of laughing at me as I’m pushing at his chest to move him so I can close the door, and I say to him, “What are you doing? You can’t come in here!”
Then he takes hold of both my hands and tells me: “Is it kind to kick the knee that holds you?”
As these words resonate in my mind, I wake up–and I say, “No, of course not…”
Now for those of you who only read this so you could psychoanalyze my dream, believe me I’ve already done that. I love analyzing dreams and this one had me puzzled for months.
First, the most obvious thing that came to me when I woke up was the connection between this dream and my feelings on Sunday, when I was torn up about being lonely in church. When I woke up after Jesus was trying to follow me into the bathroom–an area of uncleanliness and intimacy–I realized that God wants to be everything to us, and is already with us through every intimate moment of our lives, so there’s no need trying to shut him out. He truly wants to be the husband to the husbandless, father to the fatherless, friend, companion, guide; everything to us.
Immediately after this thought, I dwelt on his parting words, “Is it kind to kick the knee that holds you.” Not many people know this, but I’ve had four surgeries on my left knee, one in 2008 and three in 2012, which originated during a skiing accident and was compounded by a military deployment on a failed knee surgery. So it was like God was telling me that he was the one holding me up and keeping me from pain, allowing me to do all the active things I enjoy today.
Not only this, but if you get your knee kicked out from under you, no matter how big and strong you are, you’re going down. If you’re the one to kick your knee out from under you…well I don’t really know how it’s physically possible, but it’s obviously not very smart.
Since my dream, however, I’ve noticed every time I experience a feeling of intense joy and communion with the Holy Spirit, it starts as a tingling in my knees…like goosebumps, but from the inside, and it kind of resonates upward. But it always starts at my knees. Normally when you get chills after hearing something that really resonates with you, it shows up on your arms, right? Well not me, it starts at my knees! So it’s like a reassurance that God is really with me, either alerting me to something or reassuring me with His presence.
For the other elements of my dream, I know that this dream is meant to be shared RIGHT NOW because of the whole “Jesus is coming!” part. Because he really is coming. Super soon. Please pay attention and listen for his calling!
Idk what the animals talking in my dream is about completely, but afterward I was out hiking by myself, which is also time I use to pray and speak to God…and I was wishing I could speak to the animals when the words, “They will not come to you until you call them by the names of Adam,” came to me. So maybe we’ve got to re-learn the original language? Who knows, but I thought it was interesting that the animals featured in my dream were a snake, donkey and rooster, and all three had key roles in the Bible.
The storekeeper was Jesus, which makes sense in that Jesus wants to give us eternal life FOR FREE by just believing he really is God in the flesh who came to earth to redeem us, but those who try to force eternal life will ultimately perish. Plus Christmas=more Christ.
Now for the confirmation, since we all know that there has to be a confirmation before you can say something is of God. Well. I only told one person the whole dream after it happened, because…it was super weird…and I didn’t feel comfortable sharing that I had made out with Jesus in my dream. But three weeks after the dream, I happened to be scrolling through YouTube videos, particularly about children who had dreams of the rapture, and I ended up watching a clip about a girl who had been painting heaven since she was like 7 years old–and she is super famous now (Akiane Kramarik). Well the woman who was hosting her on the show had several of the girl’s canvases up, and Akiane was going through her inspiration for each one (starting with the one made famous after the movie “Heaven is For Real,” since the little boy confirmed her painting “Prince of Peace” was what Jesus looked like to him).
I wasn’t really paying attention to what was being said, until they showed the painting of a man kind of hugging himself…and I thought to myself, why does he look so familiar? I had to re-wind it and pause the clip so I could study it better–and I realized it was Jesus from my dream! Except my Jesus had his hair up. But everything about the painting was dead-on, even down to the large looking hands. The eyes I remember to be more of a golden-green color than the deep green she depicts them, but IT WAS HIM! I was literally shaking when I realized this. And I couldn’t remember if they had actually said it was Jesus in the painting, so I had to look up the artist and find the name of the painting, and it is “I Am,” and apparently it was Jesus at 26 years old. I started flipping out, texting my friends, sharing the picture with everyone who would listen–because this confirmed what I had felt all along–that I had really met Jesus!
OK so now you’re like, alright cool, BUT WHAT ABOUT THE KISSING?! Yeah, I know, that was weird! It took me a long time to figure it out (about 3 months), but finally, I was re-reading the Book of Revelations, where John is writing to the church of Laodicea and God says, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth” (Rev. 3:15-16). When I read that, I realized I had been a lukewarm Christian. I had been letting worldly troubles rob me of really focusing on God. But when He kissed me, a spark of passion was ignited in my heart, and after those 3 months of analyzing and seeking God, it had grown into a fully blazing fire.
I realized God had mercy on me by appearing to me in my dream because otherwise I would have remained a lukewarm Christian. But now, I would do anything for him…including potentially embarrassing myself by sharing this strange experience, simply because I know it’s what God has been telling me to do.
So there you go. And for many of you who I’ve shared this dream with before now, I may have censored out the kissing element. I hadn’t understood what it meant and since it was too puzzling to me, I just cut it out. The most important part is that Jesus is Real and he is returning for his bride soon!
If you’ve read this whole thing I hope it has blessed you in some way. If you still don’t believe in Jesus, that’s ok. I’m sure he will reveal himself to you before it is too late. Just keep searching for the truth!
“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.” (Isaiah 55:6-7)